She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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