Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
