I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
