Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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