I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
