They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
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