He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
