I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
