I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
