where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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