the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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