found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
