Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
