That's intense
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Barsexuality is the new black.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
