i barfeds in our rink
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
