she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
