I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
