And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
