Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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