I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize