He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
