I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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