this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
