i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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