I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
