Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
