I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
