I need help removing her.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
