apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you win again, gameday.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
