I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
