After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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