Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
