Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Maybe he injected his testicle?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
