the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
