This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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