I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
