the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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