someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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