i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize