forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
