: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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