Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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