we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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