I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
