1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
