there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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