Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
