get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
