Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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