It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
