I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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