Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
