She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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