I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
