omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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