if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
