now i know why i became what i already was.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
