This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
