I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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