my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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