It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize