maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
