WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize