Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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