I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
