i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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