Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
