Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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