Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
