You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
