i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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