The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
